The Colonnade Hotel Reviews 

This hotel is awful, really disappointing! Faulty Towers would have been better!
My husband and I stayed at The Colonnade Hotel at the end of November. We work hard and so were really looking forward to a trip away to London. The photos on the website do not reflect how tired the decor and furniture really are. The room we stayed in was supposed to be a deluxe room and it was far from it! The net curtains had mould, the shower didn't work properly, the drinking glasses were dirty and the room was cold during the night. We went to the restaurant the first night we arrived as we didn't get to the hotel until around 7pm. The starter of hummus and flatbread came to our table as hummus and a few rounds on plain toast. The main meal was chicken, rice and salad was all they had on offer, all other meals on the menu were unavailable. The chicken was not hot and there was gristle in the chicken. I could not eat the food and so we left to get pub food. The key card did not always work on the bedroom door and so we were afraid of leaving our belongings unattended. This was a Groupon deal that cost over £300 for two nights including two evening meals and breakfast each morning. I could not stomach going back to the restaurant and so we left the hotel on the last morning feeling like we had been conned out of our money. Could not recommend this hotel to anyone, totally ruined our trip to London!

The Colonnade, Little Venice
Doggerel - Deepening depression and gales by the score

We booked and unfortunately prepaid
Four nights at the Little Venice Colonnade
The reception area is well decorated, a sight that is fine
Marred by a manager screaming at his staff in his office behind
Room 28 (we endured in this room for three nights)
They claimed to be fully booked so could not remedy our continually stated plights
The reception staff are professional despite the long queue of people waiting to complain
They pretend that each complaint is unexpected and new even though they are completely aware that the door cards don’t work and the hotel maintenance and housekeeping are non-existent or insane.
The shower did not work (Boiling hot shower only first night and 2nd day in the afternoon, after that freezing cold)
Bathroom floor tiles badly cracked, Mould in shower cubicle - mould on the tiles and on the walls – mould.
The mattress was poor, the cups were removed, and housekeeping came one day out of three
We complained every day and were told that somebody will look into it, perhaps optimistically
The receptionist had to open the door for us every time we returned. The second day he opened the next room much to the annoyance of the naked couple inside.
The floorboard in front of the bedroom door is broken, like 'a big hole' under the carpet – a little TLC should be applied.
No coffee or tea, night shift unhappily gave us some but no cups (don't know why there was a lack)
Turing chained his mug to the radiator pipes to prevent it being stolen. The hotel has his blue plaque.
The bedside light could be switched on for 4 minutes then went off by itself and sporadically flashed (poorly wired)
The toilet bowl stand was loose and no working extractor fan in bathroom, the clock radio not working, the place looks quite tired
The room was not properly cleaned before we arrived (old half-empty packets of biscuits discarded)
We didn't feel safe since the receptionist opened the wrong door but they must have been stressed by all the complaints from every guest we met at the desk – they were bombarded.

We moved to Room 26 for 1 night (24th Nov) as there is no hot shower in 28
The shower worked - but it was very very hot and difficult to regulate
Out of 7 ceiling lights, 4 are down, 2 above bed reading lights, only 1 could work
The TV could not get a channel, the fridge not cleaned out from previous guest
Wet used towel hung behind bathroom door, Infested with fruit flies, what a pest
The bedside light on left side went off after 4 minutes then periodically flashed.
The clock radio was duff, the towel rail had crashed
The armchairs were grubby, the floor carpet not cleaned.
Two housekeepers for 50 rooms was info we gleaned.
No working extractor fan and bathroom light blown
Sink tap won't shut without difficulty (not dripping but a stream) – maybe this is not known
And yet again door access is only by receptionist who let slip
That there are many rooms with this blip

The paint is peeling on the second floor landing and the lift was a brute
Wet towels and sheets were piled high on the floor in the fire escape route

Our stay at the hotel was shocking from start to finish. Upon arrival, we were informed that we were early - we arrived at 13:57, and check-in was from 2pm, so I was happy to wait the extra 3 minutes. Then we were informed that the staff were behind on cleaning and the room would be ready shortly. Despite calling and asking to reserve a space in the hotel car park, no space was reserved in the tiny 3 car "car park". We parked on the street, which ended up being approximately £7 cheaper than if we had parked in their "facility".

40 minutes later, we were finally told our room was ready. No drink was offered in this time. We went to our room, but the keycards didn't work so we had to be let in manually by the staff. Upon entering the room, we were greeted with dirty crockery, unchanged bedsheets, mess in the bath, urine in the toilet and no toilet roll, dirty towels on the floor and a clearly unclean room. By this time we were already late for our plans, so we left on the assurance that the room would be cleaned and a bottle of champagne would be brought upon our return on the house.

We returned at about 00:20, and were again manually let into our room, which had now finally been cleaned - instead of a bottle of champagne as we'd previously been offered, we were given 2 cheap small bottles of Prosecco. Not a major issue, but given the awful experience we'd had checking in it seemed like a cheap apology at best. We slept and awoke for breakfast, which is served between 07:30 and 10:00. We went down to breakfast at 09:05, walking past bundles of unbagged dirty laundry on the way just left in the hallway - something we'd noticed from the night before but still hadn't been cleared.

The breakfast was a sorry affair - most of the food had run out and there was no sign of it being replaced despite there being a full hour until breakfast officially finished. Other guests came down to breakfast after us to an even smaller spread. Not once were we asked how the food was, and the food wasn't checked until I informed a staff member that they'd all but run out. None of the staff seemed to care about the guests at all besides one very apologetic gentleman at the front desk who had checked us in the day previously.

We finished up and went to check out - this time, a different member of staff was on the front desk, on the phone whilst also hurriedly checking guests in and out. We handed him our room keys and said we were checking out - his response was "Ok. It's done." and that was it. No question about whether we enjoyed our stay, or if there was anything else we wanted. Not what you'd expect from a budget hotel, let alone a 4* one in the heart of London.

All in all, the stay was awful from start to finish and really marred our first anniversary celebration. I can confidently say we will never be staying here again - I'd have enjoyed it more sleeping in my car. At least it would've been clean from the get go.